Tales from 2nd Grade Snack Time - The Vagina Cookie #TIFU

by Kim D.

On October 1st it's my turn to provide the snack for my son's pre-K class, and while I would love to be that ideal mom who whips up creative baked goodies, I've opted for the safer route of providing mini Vanilla Wafers.  You see, it's not my place to interfere with school procedure or curriculum and create a snack to spark a lesson for my son and his classmates.  In other words, I won't be making the infamous vagina cookies like one mom did for her child's 2nd grade class snack.

Listed on Reddit as "TIFU by letting a feminist parent bring in snacks to my 2nd grade class," a friend of a 2nd grade teacher shares an incredible story of one parent's attempt to introduce children to the adult topic of shapes, sizes, and colors of a woman's vagina.  The story describes the teacher's reaction upon seeing the snack for the first time:

Autumn Lily Speaker comes into the classroom with a pan full of treats and brings them to me and says with a smile "I decided you can use these to teach the kids about the woman's vagina today". Baffled and completely caught off guard I slowly peel the aluminum foil off the pan to behold a plethora of sugar cookie and frosting vaginas. Not just any old vagina, but ALL KINDS OF VAGINAS. There were small, puffy, white, brown, shaved, bald, and even a fire crotch with beef curtains. perplexed I give the parent the most professional look I can muster and quietly reply "I'm sorry Autumn, but I can't give these to my students. This just isn't appropriate."

The poet William Blake beautifully expressed the dichotomy of innocence and experience as he explored Milton's Paradise and the Fall. Children are born into a state of innocence (paradise) but, unfortunately, are subject to this "fallen" world. Today, horrors of war and terrorism, poverty, and political and social corruption strip away children's innocence, but when a protector - a parent - tries to do this, the result is even more appalling. 

The story goes on to reveal the parent's reaction to her censored cookies:

Autumn bursts with the fury of a thousand angry Andrea Dworkin's and starts yelling in front of the class about how 'I should be proud of my vagina' and 'I am settling for a women's role in life'. Utterly bemused and frozen from shock all I can do is stand and stare at the woman as the word 'vagina' is yelled in front of my second grade class about 987,000 times. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, she storms out of the class leaving her vagina cookies on my desk. I scramble to collect my thoughts and take control of the situation before my second graders develop vaginal PTSD. My only thought is to scrape off the vagina frosting and hand out the plain sugar cookies to my students.

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This tantrum was then followed by an email in which the feminist parent further belittles the teacher and wishes her bodily harm from an abusive husband (see email screenshots here). 

Something is terribly wrong when a women looks at carrots and bananas, traditional and healthy snack food items, and sees sudden rage over their phallic symbolism. If the feminist mom felt the need to send a message to a class of 2nd grade children, perhaps she should have opted for a more subliminal one: the donut.